who, us?

I believe everyone has different versions of themselves. Not the bipolar way of being a different person at different times but having the person you want different people to see you as. Also, I don't mean everyone is fake or lying. So what do I mean exactly? I mean that every person saves a part of themselves for only them to know they are, they have the person their family sees and then the person that their friends see. All those versions are relatively the same but they achieve have their own different desires and secrets. I know in my case, I'm scared to open myself up to people that I dont really know and also to people that I may have even known for years but wasn't exactly close with. And for some reason, I'm extremely shy around guys. That's just how it is. Now since that is how I am around those people, I've somehow acquired the shield of sarcasm to keep me from being like that in an obvious way. That's how its been since about 10th grade so since then my friends and family just know I'm extremely sarcastic. They don't know that most of the time its when I'm feeling awkward or insecure that I use that sarcasm. On the other hand, inside of me I'm a really open person and not shy at all but I can't be that person on the outside. That's my version of myself.
Beyonce has "Sasha" as her other identity and mariah Carey has "Mimi". Everyone knows they have that other half of themselves hidden inside that they keep from the outside because they will be halfway safe that way. If you put your entire self out there then you can be entirely torn apart. Therefore, nobody is completely what they seem and nobody is completely how they don't seem. Either way this shouldn't be the case. Why are we all so afraid to put ourselves out there completely in the open to show the world? With sarcasm being mine, why do we have our walls built around us to keep us from the possibility of greatness because we are afraid? The fear of rejection, love, death, humiliation or failure are all too small to keep us from who we really can be and what we are meant to be doing. It may be the hardest thing in the world, but we need to put our fears aside, embrace the person we hide from everyone else, and go after life. Because until we do this, until we get rid of those walls, we may never find love. Well, that's my fear atleast but you may never find happiness, success or even fun either. So lets stop making excuses for ourselves and just do it!!

-Mal

summing it up.

Its taken me since January to see how much things have truly changed since high school last June. I've spent plenty of time with my friends first semester to think they had only changed a tiny amount but now that I don't see them but ever few months I see differently. I've learned that they try to be he same people they use to be whenever they're around me and their old friends but they really are so far from that person that they can't even see it themselves. Maybe you've never gone through a change this drastic or maybe you're like I was and can't see it yet but college truly is where your life ends and a new one begins. I don't mean you physically die but the person you use to be does and you turn into someone else. Someone completely different. Lately I've been noticing this with every single one of my friends minus a few. Some have gone against their beliefs and started drinking to fit in, some just rebelled and drink all the time, some sleep with different guys all the time and some are just moving on win their lives. It never occurred to me exactly how much we all grew apart until the conversations were all about who drinks the most or where to go clubbing or, even worse, the entire conversation is all small-talk. Nobody wants to grow apart from the friends they have had for years but I guess that's life. Life goes the way it wants and your just along for the ride. You can't choose where you'll end up or who wig because change is inevitable. However, I'm hoping that some of those changes will bring those now-distant friends close to me again either now or in the future.